Teeth

They’re kind of important, which is why I decided to get myself dental insurance. I figured if I go get them cleaned twice a year it will be worth it. Since I’m paying for it, I’ll make sure I go at least twice which is many more times than I’ve gone in… oh, I don’t know how many years.

The problem is that I’m afraid that once I go, I’ll have to keep going. I’ve been doing my best to keep them in good shape, but I know I might have a couple of cavities and one cave in there. I suspect a small family of troglobites has taken up residence.

Once a dentist gets wind of that, I suspect they’ll want me making weekly appointments and start excavations post-haste.

And then there’s the case of the missing teeth. My front teeth, they’re not really mine. I was born with no lateral incisors and no wisdom teeth. I had incisors as a kid, but when those fell out there were no new ones to replace them. And the wisdom teeth are never going to come out – they’re just not there.

Incisors are for holding, grabbing, and gnawing. They say we don’t need them as much anymore thanks to technological advances in silverware and chopsticks. Wisdom teeth are even more useless and tend to cause more trouble than they’re worth.

Six teeth down, I’ve been told I’m more evolved than you.

Except that I like looking like I have incisors, so I have porcelain caps. Permanent cosmetic caps usually last a little over a decade. Mine are now closing in on two and I half expect the dentist to tell me I need new ones.

The only thing not worrying me about this appointment is my lack of wisdom teeth. There’s nothing they can do about that.